youre lurking in front of me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
