Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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