I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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