turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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