Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize