my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
