I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
