Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
