so that wasnt chicken after all
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
