Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
the liver wants what the liver wants
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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