i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
