And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Someone signed my nipple.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
