i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
