my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
