I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
