If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
