i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
