The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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