So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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