Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So much rum. So many feels.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize