I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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