She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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