So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
