I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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