i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
