She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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