Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
