AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
