Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
