if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
