I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
