I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
