you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
