Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
