Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
