Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think your dad took our porno
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
