Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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