i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you never un-have a 4some
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
