Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
