Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize