Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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