Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
