"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
