omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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