I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
