And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
porn star boner night. come get it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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