My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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