Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
