Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
