Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
