meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
