I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
