I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
