so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
