Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
