I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
