Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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