hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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