we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
