No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
