His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You ruined the universe
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
