I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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