Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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