Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
