I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize