I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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