hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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