I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
